Deserve to Die
by KitTea
Summary: Whisperpaw ran away to SunClan to escape her malicious siblings. She has flashbacks from before she ran. Will she listen to Foxpaw, her wicked brother, or Duskstar, the kind and gentle leader of SunClan? *Contains suicide related material*


**My first StormClan challenge. If you get through this without crying or even feeling a slight urger to cry you get a cookie! **

Whisperpaw groaned as she dragged herself into SunClan territory. The wound on her neck was still oozing blood as she moved. Her light gray fur matched the mood she was in; unhappy and frustrated. The meadow she was going through was part of SunClan's territory. Yellow, orange, purple and red flowers were everywhere, making the atmosphere light and happy. She brushed against stray brambles and bit back a yowl of pain. Her whole body ached. Claw marks and scars covered her pelt and touching the brambles had irritated the wounds.

She gritted her teeth and continued towards the SunClan camp. If she could make it there, she could get her wounds cleaned up properly. Whisperpaw gasped as she began to feel dizzy. She blinked her green eyes, trying to fix her vision. That just made her even more dizzy.

"Help..." Whisperpaw called out weakly. "Please!" She tried to get closer to the camp. If she made it to the Clan's camp she could be saved. Her breathing was shallow as she tried to move. Hysteria was building up inside of her when she realized that she couldn't try to walk anymore.

"StarCl-" Whisperpaw stopped. She wouldn't ask for help from her ancestors. They had abandoned her. She would never attempt to speak to them again. They hadn't helped her when she needed them most. When Dawnpaw had attacked her StarClan didn't do anything. When she was taunted and made a fool of, StarClan did nothing. Nothing!

Whisperpaw's vision was blurry and phosphene floated around in front of her. She slumped to the ground. She thought for a moment that she was in water, and then realized that it was blood. Her eyes began to droop shut. This was it. Foxpaw was right. She was a useless runt. She was going to die soon. Who would have thought that he would be right? Her eyes closed completely and she felt more and more drowsy.

"Look over here!" Whisperpaw's eyes snapped open. Her drowsiness was gone. The despair was gone and had been replaced with hope. Whisperpaw's vision was still off, but she didn't feel like she was dying anymore. "Redfrost, it looks like a kit!"

"She smells of ShadeClan." A gruff voice replied. Whisperpaw heard three warriors approaching her. She tried to lift her head, but she was too weak.

"Great StarClan!" The one evidently named Redfrost exclaimed. "The poor thing! Is she bleeding? What did this to her? Blackwing, we need to take her back to camp."

Whisperpaw wanted to yell at them that she was injured and dying. Didn't they see the puddle of blood she was lying in? She was feeling sleepy again. Maybe if she closed her eyes for a moment...

Jaws closed around her scruff as she was lifted up. She was shocked and tried to struggle, forgetting for a moment that she was probably being rescued.

"Calm down." The gruff voice again; Blackwing. "We're taking you back to camp."

Whisperpaw attempted to reply. Instead, she began to cough. Some blood came out of her mouth and she moaned. She could feel herself moving, but she couldn't open her eyes to see where she was going.

"Let's..." Whisperpaw didn't hear Redfrost finish her sentence. She passed out.

********************  
Whisperpaw smelled herbs. They were sharp and pungent. The smell was so strong that she sneezed. She moaned.

"Loooook!" Came the excited squeak of an apprentice about her age. "My first patient is awaaake! Gorsefoot, Gorsefoot, Gorsefoot, Gorsefoot, Gorsefoot, look, look, look, look!"

Whisperpaw winced. The apprentice had a high pitched voice that seemed a little too excited.

"Yes, Larkpaw?" Came an annoyed sigh. Probably the one named Gorsefoot.

"Should I give my first patient more herbs? Marigold? Parsley? Coltsfoot? Wild onion? Catmint? Thyme?" Larkpaw chattered. "I think I gave her enough cobwebs. Don't you think? I mean, she's stopped bleeding. Does she have a name? I hope so. Why is she from ShadeClan? This is a mystery! Wow!"

Gorsefoot purred. "Larkpaw, stop talking please."

"Right."

Whisperpaw would have chuckled if it weren't for the awful memory the words had brought back. She felt despair course through her as she remembered.

********************  
Whisperkit blinked open her eyes and saw her mother looking down at her. "Good morning, Whisperkit!" Softcloud purred. "It seems you've opened your eyes."

Whisperkit purred too, rubbing her cheek against her mother's warm flank. She heard squeaks and playful growls.

"Wha's that?" She asked.

"Your brothers and sister, Dawnkit, Hawkkit, and Foxkit. Want to go join them?" Softcloud nuzzled Whisperkit. "They're playing a fun game."

The words 'fun game' seemed to trigger something inside of her. Whisperkit jumped up and ran as fast as she could out of the nursery. She skidded to a halt, blinking. The light was a little too bright.

After her eyes got adjusted, she looked around, taking in the details of the camp in awe. Large oak trees surrounded the ShadeClan camp, providing the namesake, shade. A log covered with lichen and moss stood in the middle of the camp. It seemed like it was a very important log. She saw more dens and knew they were probably for the warriors, apprentices, elders and leader. Whisperkit heard the playful growling again and she turned around, spotting her siblings.

She shrank back, realizing how big they were. She wondered why she was smaller. The thought made her indignant and she strode forward, deciding that it was a slight size difference and that it didn't really matter.

"Good morning!" Whisperkit purred. Foxkit, Hawkkit, and Dawnkit all turned to look at her. Whisperkit blinked and wondered why her voice was so raspy. She cleared her throat. "Goo-"

"Yeah, we heard you. Now leave us alone. We want to play." Foxkit spat. Whisperkit's eyes widened. She took a step back. Hurt and surprise struck her like a lightning bolt.

"S-sorry but I just-" Whisperkit whimpered.

Again she was interrupted. "Did you not hear me?" Foxkit advanced on her. Dawnkit and Hawkkit were right behind him. "Shut up. We don't need a runt like you ruining our game. Besides, what is wrong with your voice? So. Leave. Now." He pronounced the last three words slowly. Whisperkit shrank back, her ears flattening to her head.

********************  
Whisperpaw shook her head. She shuddered, still thinking about how scathing Foxkit's comments were. She had been born with her scratchy voice. It wasn't her fault if she sounded funny. Of course, Foxkit had thought it was her fault and that she needed to feel bad.

"Can you tell us what your name is?" Gorsefoot asked gently.

"Whisperpaw." Her hoarse voice seemed to surprise Larkpaw. She shrank back, expecting some sort of attack. She was sure someone was going to take out their anger on her.

"Whisperpaw, what's wrong?" Gorsefoot could tell she was afraid of something. She began to breath faster, becoming lightheaded. She was going to get clawed, wasn't she? Foxkit would come through the entrance of the den and would hurt her. He would 'nuzzle' Whisperpaw and bite her shoulder.

"Help..." She gasped. "Save me from him." Larkpaw and Gorsefoot exchanged glances and looked back at her. "Help. Help. Please, help." She begged. Her breathing was shallow again. Hysteria.

"From who? Did someone you know do this to you?" Larkpaw asked, sympathy in her round, yellow eyes.

"Save me from my siblings!" Whisperpaw wailed, her hoarse voice making it sound worse.

"Oh no..." Gorsefoot muttered. "I need to talk to Duskstar. He has to be notified about this."

More memories. She remembered Coldstrike saying she would notify Bladestar about Whisperpaw.

********************  
Coldstrike shook her head. "Whisperpaw! You should know better than to go out of the camp without your mentor. Shame on you. And you got attacked by a fox. I am going to have to tell Bladestar about this. Come with me and I'll take you to Mottledclaw."

Whisperpaw's chest tightened. Was she being blamed for getting hurt? Unbelievable. Foxpaw and Hawkpaw had led her into the forest, Dawnpaw and her brothers had attacked Whisperpaw, and she was being blamed for that?

Coldstrike took her to the medicine cat's den and left her there, heading off to see Bladestar. Mottledfur treated her cuts and scratches, muttering about apprentices and not paying attention.

He finished placing cobwebs on her bites and scratches and sent her to the apprentice's den to rest. She trudged into it, frustration overwhelming her. She was afraid to tell anyone about what really happened, for she feared getting hurt by her siblings more.

Why couldn't Foxpaw and the others just leave her alone? Whisperpaw laid down and began to close her eyes. She heard a rustle and opened the them, noticing three cats slinking into the den. Her heart sank.

Foxpaw, Dawnpaw, and Hawkpaw.

Before Whisperpaw could call out or move, Hawkpaw pounced, pinning her to the ground. Dawnpaw apporached her, scowling.

"You little brat," She growled. "You got us into trouble earlier today. You think you can just get away with that?"

Foxpaw bared his pointy teeth. "You useless runt. You piece of fox-dung! Whisperpaw, you don't deserve to be alive." He hissed.

Whisperpaw tried to breathe. She couldn't. She didn't deserve to live? She was useless? Of course she was! Foxpaw was telling the truth; she couldn't be alive any longer. She was a stupid kit, just as he said. Whisperpaw whimpered.

"I know." She shook. "I shouldn't be alive!"

Her three siblings were gone. They had left her by herself in the den. If she could, she would be crying. Whislerpaw whimpered and curled into a ball.

"I don't deserve this life..." She whispered. "Foxpaw's right..."

********************  
Larkpaw nosed Whisperpaw gently. "Here have some water." She pushed a piece of wet moss towards her. "You should drink."

Whisperpaw did so. The water seemed to calm her down. She was feeling a little better after drinking. She licked her lips and relaxed.

"It seems the hunting patrol is back." Larkpaw murmured. "Oh no. Harepaw!"

Whisperpaw lifted her head. She heard angry voices.

"Harepaw! You could have died!"

"At least I saved your prey!"

"That was a suicide attempt. Please, don't do that. You could have..."

Whisperpaw stopped listening. Suicide. She had tried that. She had almost killed herself.

********************  
Whisperpaw snuck out of the camp silently, not alerting the guards. She crept into the forest. She was headed towards a bush not too far away. As she got closer, she saw the bright red berries on the bush glint in the dim moonlight.

Death berries.

She began to shake uncontrollably as she approached it. Whisperpaw hesitated, unsure what to do. She then continued, reminding herself that she didn't belong in the world. She had to die. She didn't deserve this life.

She pulled off a berry with her claws and raised her paw to her mouth. She bit back a wail of despair. Whisperpaw opened her mouth to eat the berry. Some juice sprayed into her mouth as she was tackled by a larger body.

"You aren't leaving so easily."

Foxpaw? Hadn't he told her to die? Had he changed his mind? A part of her sighed with relief. Another part was angry. She didn't deserve mercy. But he wasn't giving her mercy. He raked his claws across her stomach, blood squeezing out of the wound. He growled and bit into her neck. His teeth sank into her flesh and she yowled.

"You worthless cat!" He hissed. "You don't belong here."

The juice of the death berry was beginning to take effect, too. She coughed and choked, her mouth foaming. She wriggled out from under Foxpaw and ran. She heard him begin to chase her. She whimpered and ran towards the meadow; SunClan.

******************  
Whisperpaw's eyes glazed over. She stared at the ground. Why hadn't she died yet? Why did she want to be saved earlier? That was stupid. She needed to die.

The hysteria came back again. She panted, trying to figure out how to die. Foxpaw wanted her to be dead. She needed to be dead. Her life was worthless. She was worthless. She could use her claws to-

"Whisperpaw?" She looked up, terror in her face. Before her stood Duskstar, a light brown tom with blue eyes. His voice sounded gentle. "We're going to take care of you now. Don't be afraid anymore."

She stared, unsure of what to do. Whisperpaw realized what the SunClan leader was saying. She wasn't useless and worthless. He valued her life. Foxpaw was wrong. She did deserve to live. She would.

"Th-thank you." Whisperpaw purred.

**I would have given this a sad ending, but I decided otherwise. :P**


End file.
